How to ruin the things

There is so much of difference in interview and a real life interview but believe me real life one sucks more than anything...

I was telling my cousin who is gng to appear in one of those today that dont b nervous..be brave and this is not end of it..well obviously I was sarcastic...last nite i was just giving her a small lecture on how-to-ruin-the-things...

Stage 1: Presentation
I told her if u r not very much convinced then obviously u can ruin it at the first stage itself by coloring ur hairs...like red..green and funky things. No prospect family wud like to sit with u for even 2 mins ...if u are scared that u will get scoldings from the current parents ;) then u can do little less torture..just redo ur hairs...i mean cut in a weird manner…that’s it…

Stage 2: Communication
Now if u want to take a chance by looking at the family, then meet them. Love at first sight?
Yes: good ..go ahead…
No: then follow this:

Prospective Mom: Whats ur name?
Say: Basanti or ramkali or Champa
Prospective Mom: beg ur pardon? (That’s what u want rite!!)
Say: pity them and tell ur real name…anyways no harm as they know ur name and vital stats.
Prospective Mom: What have u done (obv. Wants to know ur qualification)
Say: 5 thefts, 10 strikes and 2 murders
Prospective Mom: sorry!! (rite time)
Say: Egg-actly (salam namaste style)..they shld know u r a movie buzz..
Prospective Mom: Ok!! Do u know how to cook?
Say: (refuse babe..otherwise they will fire the cook…don’t get into the trap…)
Prospective Mom: what all can u cook?
Say: Beef..pork..meat..well I am sure u are aware that they are vegetarians
Prospective Mom: Do u want to work?
Say: obv not… but I believe in mgt which is getting ur work done in best possible way ;)
Prospective Mom: what are ur hobbies?
Say: I love playing cards..especially with money…Call it Jua with excitement
Prospective Mom: How often do u play?
Say: only when I take drinks (get into the sholay mode...best way to get out)
Prospective Mom: So do u booze?
Say: well not always, only when I feel low which is obviously a result of less intake of marijuana..

Kher itna bahoot hai pakane ke liye and I am sure u won’t be able to do so…

Easy way out:
So there is a best decent way to get out of it…whenever u talk in front of ur parents be normal but when u are given a chance to speak when nobody is around don’t forget to stammer…and yes look little squint and limp while walking in front of prospect family…I don’t think ur own family will notice this ;) if by mistake someone notice also tell them that u got all nervous…after all u r not experienced ;)

Stage 3: Resultation
Still the family is after u? (which I don’t think they would be) then tell them that u don’t want to marry guy coz he is fair..and u like wheatish complexion..or vice versa. Be flexible in rejecting yaar…

At 12.30 a.m this gyan was given by me which ofcourse she is not gng to use…and worst when u teach someone u feel hungry…this is my observation and I got biscuits from the kitchen and kept the packet besides my pillow to munch slowly...and I felt someone hitting me…she hit me coz I kept that packet on the bed and she was scared that rats will come and might taste her skin as well coz she had applied fruit flavored cold-cream.

Whatever yaar but I feel these processes are really scary…I am sure I will surely use these given a chance ;)